Please
remember
our
American
heroes!
remember
our
American
heroes!
Please remember our American heroes! |
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman,
The Pillsbury Doughboy, died
yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications
from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a
slightly greased coffin. Dozens
of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth,
the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies, and many others. The graveside was
piled high in flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima
delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who
"never knew how much he was kneaded".
Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later
life was filled with many turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his
dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty
old man, he was a roll model to millions. Doughboy is
survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two
children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at
350 for about twenty minutes.
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AP, Arkansas - A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda didn't know what to do; so she ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics. They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, then attempted to hold her brains in!
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